I’m a stander.

I have bad knees and have to wear expensive
inserts in my shoes to keep that plantar tendon from ballooning to the size of
a medium-pace dirigible, but I like to stand, more than sit. When I’m really
paying attention to a game, like a playoff battle, I’ll stand. At a pub, I
stand. Call me crazy, but also call me upright.

So I can understand why the bench, not benched, players on
various NBA teams like to stand as they exhort their teammates from the
sideline.

I can understand why a coach would prefer to stand and pace around
the court, even if they’re not calling a play. It’s nervous energy, it’s more
comfortable, and it’s not really hurting anyone.

Except it is, actually. And standing on the sidelines, more or less, has been
banned by the NBA. If you’re not in the game, and you’re not participating in
an impromptu celebration, you need to sit. League rules. Fans asked for it, the NBA delivered
it.

Mike McGraw
of the Arlington Heights Daily Herald (via ‘64
and Counting), spearheaded the movement to get players to sit. And I agree
with him, even though I’m a stander. And it’s not because I’m a former resident
of Arlington Heights.

Not to get too haughty, but these are paying customers. Not
only are they contributing to the ticket revenue, but their eyes are what
drives ad sales at home, making it possible for the NBA to sell TV rights to
its games for a stiff price, making it possible for the standers in question to
make millions of dollars. Even if they play five minutes a game, every two
weeks.

And really, that’s a house of cards I’d rather not mess
with. I just drove around listening to some AM radio cats slightly mock the
selling of ads on WNBA jerseys. In times like these - in any time, really - we need those advertisers. Sure, to paraphrase
Bill Hicks, advertising executives are quite loathsome, to say the least. But
they also make it so that you can read this website, for free. And make it
possible for me to listen to those AM radio chatters, for free.

And if they go away, we’re in trouble. And the people that
shell out hundreds upon hundreds of dollars to see a game that they could
easily experience in the comfort of their own home, for a fraction of the
price, with a hundred camera angles and instant analysis, in HD, with the
ability to fast-forward and rewind, with cheaper snacks, more comfortable
seats, and their lovely better half at their side? If they suddenly decide en
masse to stop coming out? Uh oh. Then every team, your favorite team, turns
into the Grizzlies.

So I guess what I’m getting at is, yes, sit down, NBA
players. Don’t make us all root for the Grizzlies.

Grizzlies benchwarmers? Go ahead and stand. You’re not
blocking anyone’s view.

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Trey Kerby of The Blowtorch searches high and low across the Internet for NBA-related goods you never knew you needed. You know, phenomenal swag. Email Ball Don’t Lie any relevant products you find here.

Ball Don’t Lie is for the people.

Why do you think Skeets wakes up before the sun does to put on the best basketball show since Ahmad Rashad and Willow Bay? Why do you think KD endures hour after hour of people telling him that he hates and loves Kobe Bryant(notes) too much? And I make the biggest sacrifice of all. I spend literally minutes a day finding the most asinine tangentially related basketball items I can. Minutes, people. All for you.

And why do we do it, besides the monumental fame it affords us? Well, I can’t speak for the other guys, but I do it because every once in a while, you email in something totally bizarre that makes for perfect Phenomenal Swag.

Remember that insane David Robinson t-shirt from last week? Reader Matt (if that’s even his real name) from Bust a Bucket wrote in, and he actually owns the Clyde Drexler version. And if that’s not good enough, he’s got another very ’90s Blazers shirt. Way to go, Matt. Your wardrobe is a warrior.

And then a mysterious fellow, known only as "K," sends in this painting he made for a Christmas gift exchange. It might only be me, but I’d much rather have a hand-painted portrait of Jordan and Kobe than another copy of "1" by The Beatles. But what do I know? I have a picture of Bill Wennington displayed in my living room.

To both of these fantastic items, I say eight Muggsys! Yes, eight!

Ball Don’t Lie’s Swag Rating: Eight Muggsy Bogues …

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The NBA season is drawing near, my friends. Preseason action is underway. Gilbert is missing scrimmages due to injury. Shaq can’t stop saying enough nice things about new his teammates. And, the most telling sign basketball is right around the corner, Hornets star Chris Paul(notes) has kicked off BDL’s annual YouTube H-O-R-S-E competition with this solid — please don’t say impossible, Associated Press — trick shot.

If you remember, last season was all about the half-court shot. Dwight nailing one-handers. Devin Harris(notes) fumblin’ in buzzer beaters. LeBron hitting underhand shots daily. All good shots, but they quickly became boring. Which is why I hope guys can bring the YouTube H-O-R-S-E competition back to its roots. Back to when it had some substance and flavor, unlike those vanilla bombs. Save us, Chris. Set us free, dude.

*****

For more NBA news, updates and videos, click here to bookmark BDL, and follow us on Twitter.

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A look around the league and the web that covers it. It’s also important to note that the rotation order and starting nods aren’t always listed in order of importance. That’s for you, dear reader, to figure out.

C: L.A. Daily News, via FanHouse/The Baseline. Has Andrew Bynum(notes) outgrown Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
PF: New York Observer, via Nets Daily. Did a Sports Illustated piece spark the Prokhorov-Nets marriage?
SF: CelticsHub. The Celtics take fewer shots than almost every other team. Does it matter?
SG: Hoops Addict. Bryan Colangelo talks about players who are poised for breakout seasons.
PG: The Sport Count. Making Iverson’s dream come true: Five steps to bringing a title to Memphis.
6th: Stepien Rules. In no particular order, a list of 26 nicknames Shaq has given himself in the past.
7th: The Painted Area. A look at the 2010 FIBA Worlds wildcard candidates.
8th: Supersonicsoul. Career leaders in points, by height. Cool graph.
9th: The Blowtorch. You know, the Joakim Hat really could’ve been today’s Phenomenal Swag product.
10th: OCRegister. Phil Jackson is not the biggest fan of international play.

Got a tip or link for Ball Don’t Lie? Hit me up at jeskeets@yahoo.ca or follow me on Twitter.

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Honestly, I can’t remember how I came across this video.

Hat-tips are an essential, much-loved, way of life in the
blogosphere, and I would dearly love to give credit to whatever or whomever
introduced me to this magic. But over the course of a very busy day on the internets,
I’ve no clue as to showed me this first. Could be a message board, could be a
Twitter account, it could have been a note, stashed into my Chick Fil-a
takeaway.

The impact remains, though. It’s a clip of former Pacers
backup center David Harrison(notes) — a supremely talented yet underachieving big man
who is best known for questioning the continued illegality of the marijuana
drug, and getting caught and suspended for utilizing the mood-altering
properties of said drug — talking about his favorite water company.

Reverse osmosis, indeed.

I have no idea what that means.

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