In case any of you have a few million that’s burning a hole in your jean jacket pocket, I was just informed that ex-Sonic and current Orlando Magic forward Rashard Lewis is still looking to sell his elegant lakefront home in Washington State for a cool $4.9 million.

Whoa whoa whoa! Don’t everyone shout out bids at once! I’m sure ‘Shard owns multiple estates we can all buy to build tiny green and red hotels on. How else do you explain the fact that he drives a tiny top hat into work everyday? The guy is made of money, people. Seriously.

For $4,994,876 you get some 8,000-square-feet, five bedrooms, five and a half bathrooms, a swimming pool (which, knowing ‘Shard’s game, has a deep end — RIM SHOT!), an open gourmet kitchen/family room, a lake level game room, a wet bar, a movie theater (complete with funny little basketball light fixtures) and a sun room. Oh, there’s also a dock with two slips and two jet-ski lifts, Kenny Powers. It’s really just "a casual elegant lifestyle throughout."

To see more pictures of ‘Shard’s Mercer Island pad, look below or just follow this link.

Happy bidding!

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1. The Lakers need to
slow things down, and go inside.

It doesn’t have to be about Pau Gasol or Andrew Bynum
shooting 42 hooks, combined. You go inside because, with the off-ball movement
that the Laker offense encourages, merely getting the ball to the post means
you have the same sort of advantage a team like the Magic has once Dwight
Howard has set a screen that allows Hedo Turkoglu to dribble below the free
throw line.

It’s so simple, and it’s so stupefying why they don’t do it
more often.

2. The Nuggets need
to know where Chauncey Billups is.

It’s not that they need to keep their heads up in case CB
tosses a 42-foot bounce pass in transition their way. They need to spring their
point guard free for jump shots, and not just in the half court.

Without toppling anyone over, get in some Laker’s way in
transition; or the slower, let’s call it "Billups-style," delayed transition.
Walk in front of Derek Fisher, without setting a crushing screen that gets you
noticed. Do something, Nugget big men, that won’t make the highlights.

3. Derek Fisher, and
the hook. Phil? You’ve got one, right?

Don’t shoot a hook, Derek. That’s not what we’re on about. Don’t
shoot anything, really, unless you’re wide, wide open.

He hasn’t been able to defend anyone properly, all year. No
hyperbole, because he’s stunk at it since November. Honestly. Toss in the bad
decisions and the poor shooting (31.8 percent in the Conference finals, 34.8 in
the playoffs), and you have to be ready to pull this guy.

4. J.R. Smith? Sleep
in your own bed, show up in your own arena.

4-15 shooting, 10 points as the Lakers won back the home
court advantage in Game 3.

Role players are counted on, at home. Role players who are
expected to score, shoot, defend and pass well, while being in the running for
the Sixth Man of the Year award, are expected to shine. The Nuggets lose if
you’re not on board with that, J.R.

5. Superstars? Star
it up.

Kobe Bryant has to be patient, he can’t be a scowling,
shooting, mess, and his help defense is key. His screen and roll trapping, out
of nowhere, helped win Game 5 for the Lakers.

Carmelo Anthony’s role is much simpler. Shoot a high
percentage, rebound, make the extra pass when you have to. That said, you have
to shoot the high percentage on 28 shots. The Nuggets need a good 30-35 points
from you, if you’re to keep
yourself alive.

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A look around the league and the web that covers it. It’s also important to note that the rotation order and starting nods aren’t always listed in order of importance. That’s for you, dear reader, to figure out.

C: The Internet And Email. My favorite line: "Not a monster, not a balla / I’m simply tall, yeah."
PF: NBC. Winderman: "To get calls right, the league needs to use an extra official to cover replays."
SF: CH. Evaluating Josh Childress in greater detail than anyone but an NBA obsessive would want to know.
SG: The Scores Report. There’s a lot on the line for Kobe, LeBron, ‘Melo and Dwight Howard.
PG: National Post. Headline of the Day: Leonardo DiCaprio never wears the same hat to a Lakers game.
6th: The Baseline. Like many, Bethlehem Shoals is thankful for the Orlando Magic.
7th: Game On. Poll: Of this year’s Final Four of coaches, who is doing the best job?
8th: Basketball-Reference Blog. I love these breakdowns: Is Detlef Schrempf headed to the Hall?
9th: MPS/The Hoop Doctors. Back in the day, they compared Michael Jordan to Dr. J.
10th: A Stern Warning. Mike Brown’s better half, Carolyn, talks about the life of a NBA coach’s wife.

Got a tip/link for Ball Don’t Lie? Hit me up at jeskeets@yahoo.ca or follow me on Twitter.

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Magic coach Stan Van Gundy and point guard Rafer Alston talk strategy against the Cleveland LeBrons in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Best caption/imaginary conversation wins a pair of scissors and 10 yards of NBA logo fabric. Good luck, create-a-caption designers. Make it work!

After the jump, ‘Melo takes out Mr. Kobe.

Winner, greg oden:
"Kobe, tell me how my tats taste."

Co-runner-up, iamachine:
Sinking his teeth into ‘Melo, the others on the court froze; Kobe had finally tasted human blood, and they were all doomed …

Co-runner-up, tribcalledted:
Dayum! Carmelo just slapped the black out of Kobe’s hands.

Co-runner-up, slimysnot:
Kids, this is how you create an equilateral triangle with your arms. *NBA Cares music*

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Trey Kerby of The Blowtorch searches high and low across the Internet for NBA-related goods you
never knew you needed. You know, phenomenal swag. Email Ball Don’t Lie any relevant products you find here.

Skeets’ 15th birthday is in a couple of months. (He’s a Leo, which explains the attention-seeking podcast. "Hey, look at me, everybody! I’m on camera!") And after all of the enjoyment he’s given us, don’t you think we owe him something special in return? I know it’s going to ruin the surprise, but I say we get him this shirt. He’ll probably wear it to bed.

Not only are we honoring this great site, we’re also giving props to basketball’s "Rasheed Wallace," who uttered the famous phrase a couple years back. No, I don’t have any idea why the eBay auction has "Rasheed Wallace" in quotes. Nor do I have any idea why he has bright red lips. But I do know why there’s an exclamation point after Ball Don’t Lie: because it’s awesome!

So, look, if we all chip in about six cents each, we can win this auction easily. Totally worth it.

Happy Birthday, Skeets!

Ball Don’t Lie’s Swag Rating: Five sexy Muggsy Bogues! 

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