Ball Don’t Lie’s Two-on-Two All-Star Tournament never sleeps. (No idea what I’m
talking about? Click here.) Note: First-round match-ups were determined based on the teams’ conference records as of Feb. 5 …

Look, it’s a 32-team tournament with just 30 NBA teams. We had to get creative. So, for all intents and purposes, the conference-leading Celtics (and Lakers) win a first-round bye. Or do they!?!? Muahahahaha … I’m telling you, Pierce and KG better pray The Basketball Jones don’t get first ball. I’m a crazy streaky shooter.

A quick reminder of our hypothetical rules: half-court, offense
calls the fouls, "winners out" to eleven (by ones and twos, natch), and
you’ve got to win by two. Also, no jeans allowed. (I’m looking at you, Melas.)

And
if you’re in the
mood, leave us a short description of how you think this battle would unfold. Do The Jones even score a basket? Who gets dunked on the most? We’ll include the most creative write-ups in the next round.

Voting will remain open until late Sunday night, though we could probably just close it now.

POLLS CLOSED / WINNER: Pierce and Garnett — 50.1% (5,203 votes)

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Ball Don’t Lie’s Two-on-Two All-Star Tournament never sleeps. (No idea what I’m
talking about? Click here.) Note: First-round match-ups were determined based on the teams’ conference records as of Feb. 5 …

No Redd and no Bogut means it’s Richard Jefferson and Charlie V. vs. the Nets’ solid-duo of Devin Harris and Vincent Lamar Carter. Let’s try and convince Devin to shave his head.

A quick reminder of our hypothetical rules: half-court, offense
calls the fouls, "winners out" to eleven (by ones and twos, natch), and
you’ve got to win by two. Also, no jeans allowed.

And
if you’re in the
creative mood, leave us a short description of how you think this
battle would unfold. Who jumps out to the early lead? Who nails the
game
winner? We’ll include the best write-ups in the next round.

Voting will remain open until late Sunday night.

POLLS CLOSED / WINNER: Harris and Carter — 89% (2,821 votes)

Read full article…

Ball Don’t Lie’s Two-on-Two All-Star Tournament never sleeps. (No idea what I’m
talking about? Click here.) Note: First-round match-ups were determined based on the teams’ conference records as of Feb. 5 …

Allen Iverson and ‘Sheed vs. Gerald Wallace and Okafor. I’m not sure what to make of this match-up. On one hand, I like the Bobcats’ size and defense, which barring injury, should be a nightmare for the Pistons. On the other hand, AI. Was he not created for a create-your-own-shot, with space type tournament? What do you think? Which team advances to the next round?

A quick reminder of our hypothetical rules: half-court, offense
calls the fouls, "winners out" to eleven (by ones and twos, natch), and
you’ve got to win by two. Also, no jeans allowed.

And
if you’re in the
creative mood, leave us a short description of how you think this
battle would unfold. Who jumps out to the early lead? Who nails the
game
winner? We’ll include the best write-ups in the next round.

Voting will remain open until late Sunday night.

POLLS CLOSED / WINNER: Iverson and R. Wallace — 77% (2,594 votes)

Read full article…

Ball Don’t Lie’s Two-on-Two All-Star Tournament never sleeps. (No idea what I’m
talking about? Click here.) Note: First-round match-ups were determined based on the teams’ conference records as of Feb. 5 …

Joe "The Armadillo Cowboy" Johnson and Josh "Smoove" Smith vs. Danny "Batman" Granger and Mike "The ‘Stache" Dunleavy Jr. We really ought to get a Buffer to introduce this battle. (Note: The Hawks are my dark-horse team, please vote accordingly. Or not.)

A quick reminder of our hypothetical rules: half-court, offense
calls the fouls, "winners out" to eleven (by ones and twos, natch), and
you’ve got to win by two. Also, no jeans allowed.

And
if you’re in the
creative mood, leave us a short description of how you think this
battle would unfold. Who jumps out to the early lead? Who nails the
game
winner? We’ll include the best write-ups in the next round.

Voting will remain open until late Sunday night.

POLLS CLOSED / WINNER: Johnson and Smith — 80% (2,608 votes)

Read full article…

Golden State at
Phoenix

I’m probably not speaking out of turn when I tell you that,
damn, there are some crummy games on tonight.

Perhaps then, this would be a pretty good night to take your
better half out for … well, whatever the hell he or she wants. Anything to make
up for how much you’ll be ignoring them on February 14^th, when
you’ll no doubt be captivated by Dwight Howard throwing Tyronn Lue into a phone
booth and tossing the whole through the rim (without actually touching the rim,
of course).

And, if you play your cards right, shoveling dark chocolate
and gallons of Campari
(1:29 in) your honey’s way as you sit through 2.7 Kate Hudson "comedies," you
can have them snoozing by the time the Suns and Warriors take to it again.

Suns and Warriors? Didn’t
you just do this?

Yes.

Didn’t Wednesday’s pairing between the teams turn into a
cruel joke, with Steve Nash missing 13-footers and Amar’e Stoudemire
guarding absolutely no-one?

Yes, it was pretty bad. And as impressed as we were by the
Warriors, we were twice as frustrated by the Suns, coming off a team meeting
and a torching of the Sacramento Kings on Monday.

But what are the odds of two cruel jokes in one week? And
honestly, there isn’t another game on this
schedule that I could nudge in the direction of watching without absolutely
hating myself.

So comment away down below, and we’ll see each other soon.

Phoenix Suns:
26-21, 94.2 possessions per game (6^th), 110.6 points scored per 100
possessions (6^th), 109.2 points allowed per 100 possessions (20^th).

Golden State Warriors: 16-34, 97.5 possessions per
game (1^st), 107.9 points scored per 100 possessions (13^th),
112.4 points allowed per 100 possessions (28^th).

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